Faith

bear-vi:

The Devil was insatiable
The Moon was lonely
The Hanged Man was devoted

(via geistergreen)

punchesco:

lookoflove:

lookoflove:

my brother started calling our cat “doobie brother” which he then lengthened to “dubious brother” and has since morphed into “brother dubious” like he’s some sort of fucked up little monk

brother dubious

“My liege, I’m afraid I have reason to believe your concubine plots against you. Worry not, your eminence, you can still trust me, of course…”

(via abortpawpatrol)

errydaysleepy:

Indubitably 🧐

(via queefcity)

silkysong:

(via marinebiologyshitposts)

unclefather:

my daughter: it’s hand soap but for your hair

me: you mean shampoo?

my daughter: get the heck out of my face with that

queersatanic:

lazorsandparadox:

eshlimoriarty:

largishcat:

anais-ninja-bitch:

thesylverlining:

alex51324:

roach-works:

whetstonefires:

luulapants:

ashtraythief:

yetanothergreyjedi:

mf-dooom:

that is the face of a man worried he will be next

Good news, he was not next! In fact, she accepted him as her mate, he learned the crane mating dance and now every year, he artificially inseminates her with crane semen to expand the very endangered crane population. True story.

Sorry, he WHAT? Imagine being this man’s boss and having to sit him down like. Listen. Brian. We need you to fuck the bird. You have to act like you’re excited about it.

crane husband…..

this is the diametric opposite of all those awful swan wife stories and i love it.

(WalWaPo makes you jump through like three separate hoops before you can read the article, so I will share some of the highlights:

• Walnut was born in a species-recovery breeding program in the 1980′s.  The program had crane chicks hand-raised by human volunteers, and at that time they did not fully understand the measures necessary make sure that the chicks do not imprint on humans and retain their identity as cranes.  
• As a result, her keepers believe, Walnut does not recognize other cranes as members of her own species.  
• It has not been proven that Walnut killed her previous suitors; however, there is a persistent rumor in the white-naped-crane-conservation community that she did.  
• Because this species is highly endangered, and the gene pool of the captive population is small, it’s pretty important for the survival of her species that Walnut A) mate, and B) not kill a bunch of other cranes.  
• The actual name of the keeper is Chris Crowe.
• They both arrived at the Smithsonian Conservation Biology Institute in 2004.   
• Walnut immediately began paying special attention to Chris–and ignoring the eligible male crane in a nearby enclosure.  
• Walnut initiated their courtship, performing the opening moves of a mating dance.  
• Chris realized that if he reciprocated the mating dance, it might be possible to artificially inseminate Walnut with her participation and consent.  (The process normally involves restraining the bird.)  
• It worked!  
• Chris and Walnut have had five children, who were raised by other crane couples at the facility–sometimes the biological dad and his mate–both because it’s unclear whether Walnut would accept the chicks as her own, and because Chris is not equipped to be a Crane Dad.  
• However, the Institute provides her with artificial eggs to sit on, and Chris takes his turn looking after them.  (This would not work with real eggs because he can’t sit on them properly, but Walnut seems to feel that he is on the job if he just stands over them.)
• Chris accepts that he is pretty much married to this bird.  White-naped cranes live to be about 60, and they mate for life, so he knows he can’t retire while Walnut is alive.  (At the time of the article, Walnut was 36, and Chris 42.)  

Legit cannot pick the funniest part of this

she has not been PROVEN to have killed her exes, but there is a PERSISTENT RUMOR (really officers she’s simply DEVASTATED, she sobs, wearing a new feather boa unfortunately resembling her most recent deceased husband)

His name is Chris CROWE. (Mrs. Walnut Crane-Crowe?)

the mental images of a whole human man learning and performing the crane mating dance, and “sitting” on artificial eggs so she thinks he’s performing his duties as a husband and father (and apparently OBJECTS if he does not?)

“chris, buddy, you gotta marry the possibly-murderous crane lady for the GOOD OF THE SPECIES.” (alternately: “chris, my man! good news! we found you a very interested lady! She’s 36, she’s very spirited and independent, she holds a very important and rare status in her society! …Is there a downside? WELL…”)

chris sits any potential human partners down, like “my love, you must understand before we wed,,, i am already… Attached” (camera drifts wistfully to the above photo) “Lady Walnut and I have an,, Understanding… the relationship is open, but very committed”

just had to explain this post to my father bc he thought my stifled laughter was a signal of illness.

well done, everyone, good game. hit the showers.

Not only is he ‘married’ to walnut, this has apparently happened SEVERAL times, so he has MULTIPLE crane wives, none of which know about any of his other crane wives. This man is, for some unknown reason, irresistible to cranes

the “this content has been removed for violating Tumblr’s Community Guidelines” notice really adds a lot of flavor to this post and somehow makes it MORE obscene than whatever that actually was

(via set-wingedwarrior)

neighborlyarson:

madnessofmen:

madnessofmen:

the fact that a river ends at the mouth implies that the source is the anus, and a river flows from anus to mouth

not for this one I don’t think so

??????

(via rentheadbabe)

kayray-art:

ALT

(via belovaskitkat)

nudityandnerdery:

(via 1-800-vampires)

cottoncandylesbo:

bro not the quencies (way of saying consequences if theres something deeply wrong with you)

(via 1-800-vampires)

podcastwizard:

dnd jokes that will always be funny no matter what your dm tells you

• “jesus christ” “who’s that”
• “this is just like (tv show/movie)” “that’s my favorite play”
• referring to famous musicians or actors from the real world as “bards”
• adding the word “fantasy” in front of modern things (i pull out my Fantasy iPhone and open Fantasy Tinder)
• “how hurt are you” “on a scale of one to twenty-eight i’d say i’m at about a nine.”

feel free to add more

(via sammygiddings)